Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
