It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
