hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
