i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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