really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
