allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
