Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
