Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
