If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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