i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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