Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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