no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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