her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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