But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
