the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
