Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
