anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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