And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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