i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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