ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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