I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
