We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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