He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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