I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
