Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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