He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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