I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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