Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
