Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
