mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
