Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
