see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
