he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
