Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
