you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
