I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
