No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
