He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
