Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
