I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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