dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
