if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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