so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
