the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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