It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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