I got chris browned last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
