how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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