Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
