Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
