I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
