i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
