So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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