I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
