you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
