You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want a musical about memes.
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