you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
