I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
