You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
