apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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