There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i came on her dog
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
