the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
