either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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