69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
