Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
