ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
