my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
